hang up

I'm confused...

why oh why did I let this happen again?

& now I sit here and smile

So I finally watched the videos of my dad from when I was a kid last night. J came over to watch them with me because I wasn't sure I was going to be able too...but I have to say it was easier than I would have ever imagined. I cried a little - but not much...more than anything it was just amazing to see him healthy and young again. I had forgotten how happy & funny my dad was - he had the best one liners seriously! Jordan and I were just cracking up over most of the things we watched - not to mention seeing myself at the age of 2 through 5 was an experience of its own. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me, I can now look at my daddy and remember how awesome he was and how lucky I was to have such a fun dad. I think when you lose someone you remember how they were before - when they were sick or unhappy. You yourself are so unhappy that its almost impossible to think of that person and laugh. So I got to laugh with my dad again and it was something that I really needed. God has totally brought me to this point in my life and because of him I am forever grateful...he gave me my life back and I can really say I'm happy right now. I feel like myself again and I've been waiting to say that for a very long time.

Yes you are ready

My friend Lovetta from work sent this to me this morning and said she thought it would be perfect for me. You see, yesterday I told her that I had accepted God back into my life and I gained another amazing friend & Christian in my life. I've been so worried about telling people because of what they would think or say and I realize that's just silly. So I told someone and came to find out she was Christian too :] I don't want to be afraid to tell people anymore - yes they might judge me for my beliefs but it doesn't matter to me. What matters is that God knows I stand here on this earth for him and he knows my love. I hope that what Lovetta sent me below will help you as much as it did me.

There is no limit to the number of ways in which you can create real value.
Breathe deeply, smile lovingly, and just do it.
The moment you're in is plenty. The place where you are is an ideal place from which to move forward.
Instead of punishing yourself with regret, delight yourself with the possibilities.
Get busy creating and living a beautiful now.
Yes, you are ready to be your best. Let go of the doubts and let it happen.
You can create your very own future, and you are doing so even now.
Take this opportunity to fill it with what you know to be good and valuable and meaningful.
There is immense beauty in you that you have not yet seen.
Share it with the world and live the joy of discovery as that beauty continues to unfold.

-- Ralph Marston

Faith, Hope, and Love

Its almost been a year since my daddy passed away. Almost a year since my best friend, my mentor, my hero left me in this world for a life with God. I've come a long way in dealing with my dads death recently but I still can't help but feel helpless with this marker coming nearer every day. How have I lived my life for almost a year without him? It seems like that shouldnt be possible but it is...

I found this passage from the bible last night - I was reading the part J had highlighted because its such an awesome part of Corinthians and I decided to read down further. As I read it - it just hit me really deeply because it's so true and sometimes we lose sight of these things, I've done it quite a few times. So today this is going to be a short post and I'll leave you with this:

1 Corinthians 13:13
Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love.