I slowly walk from the room knowing its the last time I shall see his face
Sadly, this story is over
I knew it had to end, knew it would come one day
However that knowledge doesn't make it any less painful
I'll remember him always
in the depths of mind, in the dreams of slumber
wherever the world takes life, so he shall be there
on the edge of existence
the room fades to black
the short gasps of breathe fill the darkness
the reality of this begins to take shape
yet how much more could one endure?
how much more can one suffer?
pulling away was the hardest thing to do
yet sometimes the own state of your existence becomes more important than another
with insanity creeping up on your mind like a sick little creature
showing its power, taunting you
making a choice is the only option you have
no longer is this a game that takes willing participants
blindness
it happens to us all
accepted and noted
understood to say the least
where now?
no idea
He'll show me the way, He always does
Note: these are just words, not really about anyone in particular - its what came out while I was listening to La petite fille de la mer by Vangelis
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Author Unknown
Love, she said, should be said more slowly, and ran from the house. Words could not catch her as such. Honesty is so slow, that is the trouble.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
making random things
I didn't find any earrings I liked for my formal company party tomorrow night...so I made my own!
Survival
I did it, I survived the torture that was finals. Spring break is officially mine & I'm thrilled with that. This week has been incredibly hard, actually about the last 5 weeks have been hard. I think I might be able to slow down and move on past them now...hopefully relaxing on the beach next week will cure any lingering feelings.
I had to put my little kitty to sleep, he wasn't even 2 yet and he had kidney failure. I loved that little furry thing, he made me laugh. Death really does not set well with me - my dad's 2 year mark is almost here....t minus 13 days and counting....
On another note, small group last night was really good. I enjoy my time with those guys, its allowing me to get to know people other than my main group of friends at church & I think that's a really good thing. Phil asked last night what we thought was our calling in life, what we we're supposed to do with our careers etc. I answered with something that's been on my mind a lot the past 6 months or so...I used to be so concerned with my career - where I was going & being successful. While that's still important there is something so much more important that God has revealed to me....being the best wife and eventually mother that I can possibly be. I know that might seem like a 50's housewife....but to me there isn't anything I'd rather do more, besides serving God for the rest of my life. I WANT to take care of my husband, to be by his side and always be there for him. To help him with his walk with God, to encourage along the way. I WANT to raise beautiful little children who worship God, who understand what it means to love. Not saying that I don't want a successful career doing what I love, I do! I just know that I can do both, but that being a mother and wife is more important that work. I know God is trying to prepare me for this - and I don't always go willingly. Many times I just want to be a kid, to be irresponsible and not worry about things. However, I really see that point in my life starting to fade. I have 9 classes left of college, 9 classes left till everything will start changing. This I know...I have 1 year...
Anyways....just random thoughts. I'm glad summer is almost here, I need the sun to cure me. Winter is such a drag, I need sunshine & heat!
PS: thank you always for the laughs, they make my heart better
I had to put my little kitty to sleep, he wasn't even 2 yet and he had kidney failure. I loved that little furry thing, he made me laugh. Death really does not set well with me - my dad's 2 year mark is almost here....t minus 13 days and counting....
On another note, small group last night was really good. I enjoy my time with those guys, its allowing me to get to know people other than my main group of friends at church & I think that's a really good thing. Phil asked last night what we thought was our calling in life, what we we're supposed to do with our careers etc. I answered with something that's been on my mind a lot the past 6 months or so...I used to be so concerned with my career - where I was going & being successful. While that's still important there is something so much more important that God has revealed to me....being the best wife and eventually mother that I can possibly be. I know that might seem like a 50's housewife....but to me there isn't anything I'd rather do more, besides serving God for the rest of my life. I WANT to take care of my husband, to be by his side and always be there for him. To help him with his walk with God, to encourage along the way. I WANT to raise beautiful little children who worship God, who understand what it means to love. Not saying that I don't want a successful career doing what I love, I do! I just know that I can do both, but that being a mother and wife is more important that work. I know God is trying to prepare me for this - and I don't always go willingly. Many times I just want to be a kid, to be irresponsible and not worry about things. However, I really see that point in my life starting to fade. I have 9 classes left of college, 9 classes left till everything will start changing. This I know...I have 1 year...
Anyways....just random thoughts. I'm glad summer is almost here, I need the sun to cure me. Winter is such a drag, I need sunshine & heat!
PS: thank you always for the laughs, they make my heart better
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Velva Jean learns to drive
The funny thing is that until I was saved I never knew what it was like to be lost. Afterward, I could point on the calendar to July 22, 1933, as the day when everything changed.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Finals...
ever have that moment where you're sitting at the dining room table SURROUNDED by papers, a laptop, cups of cold coffee, paint, glue, packaging materials, jewelry crap for your final, and about 5 USB sticks and you just want to CRY??
yea, well that was me last night. No matter how much I got done, there was still SO much more to finish. Can I actually finish all this work by the due date? I'll let you know on the 24th of March.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Today...
I found a quote that I really liked...
"The most difficult thing - but an essential one - is to love life, to love it even while one suffers. Because life is all. Life is God. And to love life means to love God."
I also think this has got to be the cutest ring ever, so old school 1950's <3
"The most difficult thing - but an essential one - is to love life, to love it even while one suffers. Because life is all. Life is God. And to love life means to love God."
I also think this has got to be the cutest ring ever, so old school 1950's <3
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Current silly obsessions
1. Etsy.com
2. Escape the Fate - seriously awesome freaking band
3. Drum covers on youtube
4. Actually just drums right now. Double kicks in "hard to see" by five finger death punch are beyond sick
5. my newly jailbroken itouch - should have done that one sooner
Silly meaningless things, but they make late night homework procrastination a lot easier.
2. Escape the Fate - seriously awesome freaking band
3. Drum covers on youtube
4. Actually just drums right now. Double kicks in "hard to see" by five finger death punch are beyond sick
5. my newly jailbroken itouch - should have done that one sooner
Silly meaningless things, but they make late night homework procrastination a lot easier.
Friday, March 5, 2010
What gets the most attention?
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. - 2 Corinthians 4:18
This verse stood out to me because I think it shows faith. We fix our eyes on what is unseen, we fix our eyes on God. We have faith that He is there even though we can not see him. It shows us that what we see now, the world, is temporary. That we should always realize that the world is momentary while His kingdom is eternal.
Not saying that we should always focus everything on His kingdom, living the life we have here is also essential. We have work to do here, we have to show the world His love and wisdom.
So this got me thinking about how WE see our life’s here.
Every day we should live with the attitude that good things will happen. We know that God’s plans for us are good, we know He’s there for us. Yet there are so many times that life gets a hold of you and shakes that attitude and brings anger or sadness – it makes things look ugly.
So what does our faith expect every day of our life’s? We must look through the eyes of faith and start seeing ourselves how God sees us. Start seeing ourselves according to the inheritance...we don't have to talk to God into it, He's already made provision for us.
You can choose to focus on the things that are subject to change OR you can choose to focus on those things that are eternal, the things that are for God, His plans for our life’s. What things get the most attention in your life?
Which is why I think we must first change what we SEE, what we’re looking at before we can change how we live.
This verse stood out to me because I think it shows faith. We fix our eyes on what is unseen, we fix our eyes on God. We have faith that He is there even though we can not see him. It shows us that what we see now, the world, is temporary. That we should always realize that the world is momentary while His kingdom is eternal.
Not saying that we should always focus everything on His kingdom, living the life we have here is also essential. We have work to do here, we have to show the world His love and wisdom.
So this got me thinking about how WE see our life’s here.
Every day we should live with the attitude that good things will happen. We know that God’s plans for us are good, we know He’s there for us. Yet there are so many times that life gets a hold of you and shakes that attitude and brings anger or sadness – it makes things look ugly.
So what does our faith expect every day of our life’s? We must look through the eyes of faith and start seeing ourselves how God sees us. Start seeing ourselves according to the inheritance...we don't have to talk to God into it, He's already made provision for us.
You can choose to focus on the things that are subject to change OR you can choose to focus on those things that are eternal, the things that are for God, His plans for our life’s. What things get the most attention in your life?
Which is why I think we must first change what we SEE, what we’re looking at before we can change how we live.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
last night
I had a dream about you...
I've never really dreamed of you like that before, I still don't know where you are...but I just wanted to tell you my thoughts are with you.
Most importantly my heart is with you, so when your ready to come claim it, it'll be here.
I've never really dreamed of you like that before, I still don't know where you are...but I just wanted to tell you my thoughts are with you.
Most importantly my heart is with you, so when your ready to come claim it, it'll be here.
Monday, March 1, 2010
True love is intentional
Pastor Jeff had a really inspiring sermon yesterday - and I thought I would share what I learned from it with the few of you that read this little blog...
True love is in fact not a feeling, though the world claims it to be that fuzzy feeling we have inside when that special someone is in our life's. I believe that really is not the case. Have you ever wondered why they call it "falling in love" like we have no choice in the matter. That we have to fall face first into it? What happens when you fall out of love as so many in this world claim to do? Falling implies that you have no choice in making a decision to love that person or not - so is that why so many people just decide they don't love a person anymore?
True love is not a feeling, it does not fade with time. It does not waver with new found discoveries, nor does it judge others. True love is unconditional, it is a decision to love someone through everything, the good & the bad, the problems & the arguments. The imperfections & the things that bug you. The things that make you treasure them, their faith, their love, their life. True love is intentionally caring & helping others, regardless of the cost or consequences to oneself. So when you make that decision...realize that its not a feeling, that love, its a choice to love unconditionally no matter what.
He gave his life for us...THAT is unconditional love. We in no way deserved that, yet because He loved us we now have a chance to do the same and love the way we were meant to. No more fickle romances, no more looking for the better person. God will give you that person you are meant to love when you both are ready, but once He gives you that - realize how precious that is. That person was MADE for you by God himself, he molded the two of you so you complete each other. Loving unconditionally is the decision at hand, and I think that would be...and will be one of the best decisions we ever make.
True love is in fact not a feeling, though the world claims it to be that fuzzy feeling we have inside when that special someone is in our life's. I believe that really is not the case. Have you ever wondered why they call it "falling in love" like we have no choice in the matter. That we have to fall face first into it? What happens when you fall out of love as so many in this world claim to do? Falling implies that you have no choice in making a decision to love that person or not - so is that why so many people just decide they don't love a person anymore?
True love is not a feeling, it does not fade with time. It does not waver with new found discoveries, nor does it judge others. True love is unconditional, it is a decision to love someone through everything, the good & the bad, the problems & the arguments. The imperfections & the things that bug you. The things that make you treasure them, their faith, their love, their life. True love is intentionally caring & helping others, regardless of the cost or consequences to oneself. So when you make that decision...realize that its not a feeling, that love, its a choice to love unconditionally no matter what.
He gave his life for us...THAT is unconditional love. We in no way deserved that, yet because He loved us we now have a chance to do the same and love the way we were meant to. No more fickle romances, no more looking for the better person. God will give you that person you are meant to love when you both are ready, but once He gives you that - realize how precious that is. That person was MADE for you by God himself, he molded the two of you so you complete each other. Loving unconditionally is the decision at hand, and I think that would be...and will be one of the best decisions we ever make.
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