this life

is crazy, chaotic, silly, stupid & lovely all at the same time

She's got both hands
in her pockets.
And she wont look at you,
Won't look at you

She hides true love.
En su bolsillo
She's got a halo around her finger.
Around you.

this life...

I know I sound like a broken record - but I want this part of my life to be over SO badly I'm letting it totally ruin any chance of it being enjoyable. I hate going to school, I hate going to work. I want to graduate - I want to actually work at a job that means something. I wish people would stop judging me for being successful, I wish people would just leave me alone.

See...the more I type the more negative I get. I don't want to feel this way, I know who I need to ask for help since there really is only one way to overcome these things. Yet there's some part of me that feels like I should be justified in this frustration. I need to get it together - graduation will come, the job will come, the husband and kids will come. All in good time, if only time didn't drive me so crazy...

sigh

God please take this anger, for it has no room in my heart yet for some reason it clings to me like a lost child. Just make it stop.

4/7/2008

I love you daddy, see you one day

The end of an era...almost

School starts tomorrow...and when the clock strikes 12...in about 6 mins...my last spring break ever will have ended. Normally I don't care about spring break, I really don't even care about it now. Its just that the realization of my last one, of college ending before the next week of "fun" is supposed to commence is a strange feeling.

I'll be 23 next month, I'm a senior in college, I'm even thinking about my senior project already. Life is moving, fast. Its not waiting for me anymore, not waiting for me to catch up. I'm terrified but I'm excited. I really wonder where this life will take me, what plans God has for me. What I can do with this world I live on, what impact can truly be made. What will make me laugh in 5 years, or make me cry in 10. Whether I'll be here, working happily in my little San Francisco....or in New York over looking Central Park. Will I still be who I am in 10 year, even 5? Will I still be a complete dweeb and laugh over the silliest things? Will I be happy with where I end up?

There are so many questions that one can ask, but it always seems like those questions are the ones that go unanswered. However, I know that the greatest man has my best interest at heart, that His love will always shower over me. His guidance showing me where I need to go, with faith I know this world has potential. It's just my job to find it.

Hillsong United: Salvation is Here

Love him, if only he didn't live in another country :]  He's so amazingly talented