& now I sit here and smile

So I finally watched the videos of my dad from when I was a kid last night. J came over to watch them with me because I wasn't sure I was going to be able too...but I have to say it was easier than I would have ever imagined. I cried a little - but not much...more than anything it was just amazing to see him healthy and young again. I had forgotten how happy & funny my dad was - he had the best one liners seriously! Jordan and I were just cracking up over most of the things we watched - not to mention seeing myself at the age of 2 through 5 was an experience of its own. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me, I can now look at my daddy and remember how awesome he was and how lucky I was to have such a fun dad. I think when you lose someone you remember how they were before - when they were sick or unhappy. You yourself are so unhappy that its almost impossible to think of that person and laugh. So I got to laugh with my dad again and it was something that I really needed. God has totally brought me to this point in my life and because of him I am forever grateful...he gave me my life back and I can really say I'm happy right now. I feel like myself again and I've been waiting to say that for a very long time.