Another crossroad

Last night was a difficult one for me, I felt like I let down myself, my friends and above all God. Not because I actually did anything wrong but because I was thinking about doing something I know is a huge mistake. Being a girl in this world is hard enough, being a girl and fighting off men because of God can be almost impossible at times. The thought "well just one more time wouldn't hurt would it?" actually ran through my mind, I was sitting there telling him maybe because I wasn't sure what to do. That word is a dangerous one, maybe...it can lead to so many things that you know shouldn't happen. You're leaving the door open just a crack, but sometimes thats all they need to get it wide open.

What I'm about to write is for all girls out there because we've all gone through this; especially if you've been sexually active and are now trying not to be. Giving up on the guy that you've been with for a long time is hard; it will seem impossible at times but I do believe it is possible. I'm not even to the point where I can say I'm over him, that I could see him and feel nothing because sometimes all those feelings come rushing back to me. You have to know though that what most of us are doing is not love, in fact it has nothing to do with love. Sleeping with someone when you don't even love them is so hurtful to God - that wasn't what he made it for. Sometimes you have to give up the things you really want, I really want him...I wish he was the right guy but I know deep down he isn't nor will he ever be. Part of turning your life around means getting rid of the things that prevent you from living a godly life; it might be hard but its worth it in the end.

So I called SB..hanging out with her was an amazing help, she understood what I was talking about when it comes to people you've had feelings for. She also helped me realize that again I was about to make a big mistake if I gave into him because after I would regret it horribly. So once again I feel like I hit a crossroad and I almost went down the wrong path but with the will of God and 2 amazing friends I went down the right one.

-Steph